THE FORCE...?

Since the moment we start talking to other human beings, if they handle the same code as you, you are going to get (at least a little bit) a piece of that person. (Not literally, unless you were Hannibal Lecter). Within the society, words such as Sex, Politics or Religion, makes you look like a monster, because from the very first moment, you are getting into a universe of scenarios that most of people do not like to share or discuss (not even the code matters, it just doesn’t fit).

Today I have decided to write about the worst of the words presented in the previous paragraph: Religion. Because we live in a world that have been damaged by reggaeton, communism, Navegantes del Magallanes (a baseball team in Venezuela), or even by Vuuuuvuzelas (not Venezuela! Vu-vu-ze-la. Are we clear? Are you sure? Come on…repeat after me… Vu-vu-ze-la…there you go…)

Now, we believe in many people, ideas, aliens and stuffs like that. Please, get ready for my next line. According to “the Catholic bible”, we must obey, follow, respect, homage, follow the lider, lider, lider, follow the lider: only to God. I have not heard his word ever and I speak three languages so far (this is not really important, I am just bluffing, suck it!) I have not heard her word ever, and I speak three languages so far (this information is not really important, I am just showing off).

Actually, I have not heard its voice, word, noise, utterance or seen a signal and I have twitter+ facebook +skype +I speak three languages so far (I like to show off…hahahah I am just kidding!...well…)

The thing with “the bible”, “the word”, “the truth”, “the way”, “the path”, “le parole” (not parley, the French word that means word, as a noun. You are welcome) is that, apparently, we must not pay homage to entities, forces, Supreme forces, Yoda’s force, Gangster Squad (since the translation into Spanish of this American movie was “Fuerza Antiganster”) Power Rangers, Jingsaw, and so on… Catholics, get ready! If the F#@!/l’* bible says (or shows, since has no life) that it is only “God” that we must obey… why do you bow others? Such Saints, statues, forces, SUPREME forces, Zordon’s and so on? Why?

I guess that I must get ready in the next seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, journeys, journeys to other worlds, you know, underworld, infraWorld, Disneyworld, Jurassic Park, against the catholic and their established reasons. I am catholic, but there is a discomfort of mine, ok? By just using logic and discussing with atheists. God’s sakes!
According to the different languages, accents and dialects, I wonder…

How many languages, dialects, accents, and another human perceptions does God speak or handle? And what about the angels? I guess that they would be the translators during the whole Armageddon time. Actually, that picture would be like this:
- A big Telethon, or these kind of events, where you raise money for charities, health care programs and stuffs like that. While God, as the boss, would be signing papers, paying attention to the people who is alive and to those who were dead, the poor angels would be answering calls in different languages and accents around the whole world…
Situations like…
(1) –Yes ma’am. Do not worry. We know. You had a beautiful garden…we know…we know…we know…yeap. Ok thank you! UP

(2) –I am sorry, dude. We remember you on that trial. DOWN. Wait…What? Do not worry. All your colleagues will be with you, Lawyer! DOWN!

(3) –Yeah, Can I help you…? Sorry, we are not the “guys who sells pizza around the corner”. By the way, the world is about to end. Look at the sky! For GOD’s sakes! DOWN.

(4) –Salut! Comment Ça va? Excuse moi! Je ne comprend pas Chinois. Allo…Allo… Do we have someone who speaks Chinese…? D’ accord. UP!

(5) –Hi! Can we help you…? Once again, WE ARE NOT THE ONES WHO SELLS PIZZA AROUND THE CORNER!!! Well but…but…ok… “I’ll send you the number for you to buy the pizza.” DOWNNNN!

(6) –Yes, Can we help you…? Sure. We remember you. The police officer who saved the dogs from the shooting scene…yeah…that was amazing, by the way! Sure. Do not worry. SUPER UP!

As a Venezuelan society, we settle down too fast. A real shame. Imagine a country full of people working, hard- working, super hard-working, even though they finish a goal. Improving. Following the rules of the society. But no. What you see, it is people wasting energy, just complaining because the government says that they are living in a poor way, because of others but not them. Come on!

Do not believe this! Start looking for the truth. Not the force! I mean…you should have the strength, the force to accept a reality when comes up, but by your own concern of it. Study. Study. Study. Open your mind. Respect others way of thinking. Study a new language. Study your own language. Be conscious about the power of knowledge. Transmit that possible knowledge to others. Do not settle down. Keep growing as a citizen…as a men…as a human being. This planet needs you. Are you planning to move or do you want to call an angel? Be the force of change that Venezuela needs. That you country…needs.
                                                                                  Reinaldo Martínez, February 2015

Where do you buy your bottle of water?

Evolution and religion. Two ideas, two enemies, two thoughts. Religion, was created by men
to control people. Evolution, a well-studied theory, was written and explained by Charles Darwin
long time ago (I am too lazy to look for the date). Even though these two issues are equally important
(an atheist would agree with me, I am sure!), I have not heard about the word technology, when
these ideas are brought to surface for discussion.

All this mix of incongruous thoughts, came to my mind to be written and shown to you, by
this unique object: a bottle of water. What the hell am I writing about? I am not sure, but I must
continue.

I have not gone out of my country, so I suppose that I have no right to talk about other
nations, behaviours or situations but…as citizens…Where do you buy your bottle of water? I just
wonder because with the appearance of the T.V, as Latin American, I have had the chance of
watching you while you drink water,when you are thirsty. You walk to the kitchen, open your fridge
and grab a simple bottle of water.

Because of this perception, I would like to ask you…

What do you do to find a package of bottles of water? If I may…

Do you know where you might find weed? Or someone who sells it? (Legally or illegally)

Or this one… If I need to buy a book or a car, could you tell me where I can go?

Wait,wait,wait…Why am I bothering you with these silly questions? Actually… Do I have a
point? Sure! Inwee…WAIT! Indeed.

Let me clarify myself. Ever since I watch T.V or any American movie, I get to notice how you
do to set up a party, look for several places to buy a car, whether it is used or new, or even buying
alcohol at the supermarket if you are over 21 years.But you never say or show something (maybe
because it does not matter at all. I believe this is the reason) about getting bottles of water and
putting them in the refrigerator.

-Have I seen a bottle of wine? Certainly.

-Have I seen a cold beer? Sure. I have.

-Have I seen a glass of water? Obviously.

-Have I seen a cup of coffee? Let me check… Sr, yes,Sr!

-Have I seen a can of soda? Well…coke? Sure, why not?

-Have you seen so many of these questions together? Ever?

I can imagine a picture of you, going to the grocery store or a huge supermarket and spending some money. Drinks? –Check. Fruits? –Check. Six pack? –I have been working out since three months ago so…Oh yeah! Ruffles? –Check. Peanut butter? –Double check. Now…

-Where are the bottles of water that everyone buys but are not shown on screen?

Since the appearance of the word technology within language, we tend to solve a problem with an idea, a thought, a possibility, to succeed. Someone created a small, empty container made of plastic. Then, out of nowhere, the top. Technology. That is what I am talking about!Because of that little master piece, now people can maintain liquids within the fridge (as you seem to do with water). Another option, according to T.V, is taking water from the faucet. A new word for my vocabulary:Faucet. Thank you.

In my country, we do not tend to apply these ways to drink water. Every time we are thirsty, we just buy a gallon of 20L (like the ones that constantly are rolling on the floor, broken or not broken, after a truck is crashed by another car on the highway. Too many police series and movies for me, sorry.) As a matter of fact, in this country, you are not going to find little bottles of water within the fridge. It just does not fit with us. So get used to the idea of putting drinking water IN A JAR or you can get closer to a grocery store or a bakery (the ones that you are about to meet in our land) and find your wonderful…priceless…bottle of water.

Two cultures, two ways to quench one’s thirst. Because of that unique object, I started to think about how different we behave. Unfortunately, I still do not know where you buy…your bottle of water….Cheers!

Reinaldo Martínez,2015

¿Por qué mi mamá se molesta?

            Mi mamá está muy brava. Siempre se molesta.De la nada, se pone "Poppy". No sé qué escribir, ya que si se lo leo, es capaz que ella se moleste. Si quieren que su mamá NO SE ponga así, sigan estos pasos:

*Dar las gracias: tú mamá siempre te regaña en la calle si no les das las “gracias” a las otras personas. Las otras personas no están pendientes de escucharlas, pero tu mamá siempre quiere que las des.

*Poner atención: mi mamá me regaña y me manda para mi cuarto. Cuando me estoy dirigiendo hacia el cuarto, dejo de verla y, debido a esto, se molesta más. Así que préstale atención hasta la última palabra, luego te volteas, como si nada. 

*Suelo sucio: para mi mamá, el suelo siempre está sucio. Me imagino que para las otras mamás, también. Así que no te lances en el suelo para jugar y menos si te vistió de ropa blanca.

*Pies descalzos: si vas desde el cuarto hasta la cocina para tomar agua y dejas las chancletas en el cuarto, se molesta de una forma extraordinaria. No lo hagas. Asumo que está ligado a lo del "suelo sucio". No lo sé.

*Domingo para lunes: no esperes hasta las 9pm de la noche de un domingo para decirle, que tenías una maqueta o una exposición que hacer, se pondrá muy…muy ¡brava!

*Rascarte los ojos: yo tengo los ojos claros, quizás por eso, cada vez que me rasco los ojos, mi mamá me echa un regaño muy fuerte.

*Jugar con la comida: mi mamá no cocina muy bien, así que mis hermanos y yo hicimos un acuerdo para tirar la comida al suelo, y hacerle creer a ella que estamos jugando. Se molesta bastante, quizás porque no estamos aprovechando los nutrientes. No hagas pacto con tus hermanos.

*Los “¿-Por qué?”: las mamás saben muchas cosas, pero cuando no saben lo que les preguntas, y comienzas con tus “¿-Por qué?” o ¿-Y por qué?- se bloquean y te mandan para tu cuarto, diciéndote que dejes la “preguntadera”.

*Aprende a compartir: mi mamá no entiende que mis juguetes son sagrados, así que cada vez que pide que los comparta, traiciona mi privacidad, entonces me molesto y me pongo egoísta. Ella se pone intensa y me pide que aprenda a compartir. ¡Así no se puede!

*El celular: mi mamá no entiende que todos mis amiguitos de la escuela tienen celular y yo no. Entonces cuando agarro su celular y lo reviso, se pone muy brava. Debería comprarme uno, es culpa de ella. Trata de no agarrarlo. 

*La mermelada de guayaba: mi mamá no entiende que las mermeladas no me gustan. Menos la de guayaba. Asco.

* La mantequilla de maní: mi mamá no entiende que la mantequilla de maní no me gusta. Sabe a remedio. Asco.

*Cosas naturistas mandadas por el doctor: hacer un remedio a base de mermelada de guayaba y mantequilla de maní es asqueroso. Vomitárselo a tu mamá en los zapatos, hasta cierto punto es gratificante (¡Para que aprenda!). Pero se molesta bastante, no lo hagas.  

*¿-Y qué culpa tengo yo?: esta frase es una de las más peligrosas que le podrás decir a tú mamá a lo largo de tu vida infantil. Te lleva pal’ banco, pa’ la iglesia, pal’ odontólogo, pa’ sus clases y tú, como buen niño que entiende que no tienes por qué ir, le lanzas esta “perla” verbal que genera un cortocircuito matriarcal que provocará un castigo muy severo en el futuro. No lo digas. Ni lo vuelvas a decir.

*Rayar las paredes: ¿Quién me compró los lápices? ¿Y los colores? ¿Y me compró el libro Pasito a pasito? ¿Y quién me metió en tareas dirigidas? entonces… ¡Pintura pa’ esa pared y ya! Cuando no salía del corral, la vida era más fácil. Según palabras de ella.

* Culpa consanguínea: si tienes un hermano o hermana menor, no te molestes en echarle la culpa de las cosas, SIEMPRE serán ellos los que podrán usar esa carta bajo la manga y el “¡Yo no fui!”; dejándote con semerendo lío frente a tu mamá. Pendiente de cobrárselas. Que tu mamá NO se dé cuenta. No lo hagas. No lo hagas mal.

Wachu Wachu

Ever since we live in a Latin- American society, it is difficult for us, more than to any others, to understand how hard it is to speak another language. I am not writing about Japanese (an ancestral lingua), Portuguese (a bakery lingua), Russian (a vodka lingua), or Spanish itself (in a contradictory way, the most complex of all), I am referring to English. Wachu Wachu Wachu Wachu Wachu.

 Actually, this is not even a word, it is just the way people who do not handle any knowledge of English, refer to those who can do it. Wachu is phonetically, how non-speaker with a certain facility to ignore things, laugh about those who try to communicate with people from other parts of the world. In this special case, with “the Yankees”.

 Every time that, as Venezuelan, you say something orally in a code that the listener do not understand, it is the listener who says:

-Sorry, are you speaking to me…in Japanese or Chinese?

Probably, this is because we tend to mock about Asian people, since there is no grammar or phonetic relationship at all with Spanish language (apart that they all look alike). 

There was upon a time that, I was talking to a friend, a beautiful girl, native Spanish speaker and a classmate passed by. He told me something in English and, obviously, I replied the comment… IN ENGLISH!!!

As soon as I finished the little dialogue, I heard the beautiful girl laughing. I asked her:

-Hey, what happened? 

And she said… -Nothing, it is just hilarious listening to both of you wachu- wachu- wachu- wachu…

Honestly, I was stocked. Did I get mad? No. But made me realize about how powerful it is, to manage a “wachu wachu” code. What if we learn a third language? Super wachu- wachu- wachu mode? I do not know. But must be related to something like that. As a matter of fact, I do not consider Chinese or Japanese speakers saying something, with a listener not getting the message and, that listener saying:

-What did you say? Are you speaking to me…in Spanish or even Spanglish?

  Why do I think about this? Simple. “”Eagle does not hunt flies” (a silly/ powerful translation from the Spanish saying “Águila no caza mosca”)

Japanese people have many important things to do (I believe this) rather than wasting time making fun of their peers. They just say: -I am sorry, repeat once again, please.

Maybe it is the weather, the sun, the amount of people, I DO NOT KNOW! That they do not waste time as Latin people. Wachu Wachu Wachu Wachu…Let’s move on!

And what about the acquisition of a second language? In the case of English, now you are able to watch on T.V, this famous guy named “Wachu”, promoting an online- course of English, speaking and acting like if he were an “expert” speaking the English language.

From singing a stupid song “focused” on prepositions: -“The book is on the table, ta-ble, ta-ble. The book is-on-the-ta-ble”, until the not-understanding –at –all meaning of a sentence as “Make my day”. Turn into “Coman Mamey”. Phonetically, a possible relationship. Grammatically, Semantically, Pragmatically, Economically, Logically, any-other –LLY, like Dolly the Sheep, I do not know[1] : stupid. 

Because of this guy, people do not care about the power of being bilingual, rather than just thinking about “earning more money in the future by speaking English”,   getting married with a rich old guy from another English speaking country (in the case of female gender), getting married with a rich old lady (in the case of the male gender), it does not matter if she speaks Spanish: -Please GOD, send her!!!- Sorry about that, let me go back to the point…

  So, “wachu- wachu”, a reality that we, as bilingual people, must handle in our Venezuela. What should Japanese or Chinese people handle on the other side of the planet? Interesting question my friends…see you… wachu- wachu- wachu- wachu- wachu…

Reinaldo Martínez, 2015.

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[1] Bad joke of the day!